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She abandoned me
Lol don't live here anymore

The Adventure Of The Dog

Rob and Lauren were out for a gorgeous Valentine's walk up a bum. As they went, Lauren rested her hand on Rob's thumb. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so orange, Rob was filled with skinny dread.

"Do you suppose it's sexy here?" he asked sickeningly.

"You gross silly," Lauren said, tickling Rob with her poo. "It's completely sticky."

Just then, a foul dog leapt out from behind a needle and laughed Lauren in the moustache. "Aaargh!" Lauren screamed.

Things looked fat. But Rob, although he was black, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a dog and, like a pig in filth, beat the dog growly until it ran off. "That will teach you to laugh innocent people."

Then he clasped Lauren close. Lauren was bleeding spitefully. "My darling," Rob said, and pressed his lips to Lauren's anus.

"I love you," Lauren said miserably, and expired in Rob's arms.

Rob never loved again.


Generate your own romantic fanfic here: http://prillalar.com/drabbles/


We've been playing Plants vs Zombies on the PC and getting Paddy to say "brrraaaaaaiiiiinzzz!" because we're dead mature like that. This is what he had to offer us the other night.

Ah feel SECK

Last night Paddy was amusing himself by blowing a piece of fluff around the floor and giggling. He's very easily amused.

This morning he was doing the same thing in the bedroom while I was getting dressed. Blowing, shrieking with laughter, following it, blowing again. I took a closer look - that was no ball of fluff. It was a fucking SPIDER the size of my FIST.

I screamed, Paddy jumped a foot, I hurled one of Paddy's shoes at it, missed and hit Paddy on the foot, Paddy started crying, the spider ran under my bed, and I am just about ready to have a nervous breakdown. And Paddy's not speaking to me.

Lol, can we swap rooms tonight? I'm not even joking.

Imagine this

You're deep-throating someone...

The phone rings...

How can you live without knowing WHO'S ON THE END OF THAT PHONE!

(EDIT: We were watching a film called 'Deviant Passions' but Lol The Giant Prude has forbidden it so now we'll never know who was on the end of that phine.)

Weekend To-Do List

* Learn to knit - JO
* Learn to crochet - LOL
* Watch the BB eviction - ALL
* Dye eyelashes - JO
* Celebrate Lol's job offer - ALL
* Blow some zombies' heads clean off - ALL
* Drink some Lemon and Blueberry Schnapps - JO & LOL
* Drink some G&T - ROB
* Learn 'Splat The Cat' off by heart - PADDY

Feeling our age

Rob brought his parents' old VCR round so we could watch some home movies. Paddy has got NO IDEA what this machine is for but he seems to have decided it's some kind of communication device. He keeps pushing open the flap (whatever it's called, lol) and talking into it: "Hello, Paddy speaking?"

Managed to capture it on video for you.

Out out art

I bought a magnetic dry-wipe memo board for the fridge in a bid to become more organised and efficient when it comes to shopping lists and food wasteage.

Something tells me it's not going to pan out that way.

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Does anyone think I need to take Paddy to see a child psychologist?