She abandoned me
Lol don't live here anymore

Rob and Lauren were out for a gorgeous Valentine's walk up a bum. As they went, Lauren rested her hand on Rob's thumb. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so orange, Rob was filled with skinny dread.

"Do you suppose it's sexy here?" he asked sickeningly.

"You gross silly," Lauren said, tickling Rob with her poo. "It's completely sticky."

Just then, a foul dog leapt out from behind a needle and laughed Lauren in the moustache. "Aaargh!" Lauren screamed.

Things looked fat. But Rob, although he was black, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a dog and, like a pig in filth, beat the dog growly until it ran off. "That will teach you to laugh innocent people."

Then he clasped Lauren close. Lauren was bleeding spitefully. "My darling," Rob said, and pressed his lips to Lauren's anus.

"I love you," Lauren said miserably, and expired in Rob's arms.

Rob never loved again.

____________________________

Generate your own romantic fanfic here: http://prillalar.com/drabbles/

We've been playing Plants vs Zombies on the PC and getting Paddy to say "brrraaaaaaiiiiinzzz!" because we're dead mature like that. This is what he had to offer us the other night.

Last night Paddy was amusing himself by blowing a piece of fluff around the floor and giggling. He's very easily amused.

This morning he was doing the same thing in the bedroom while I was getting dressed. Blowing, shrieking with laughter, following it, blowing again. I took a closer look - that was no ball of fluff. It was a fucking SPIDER the size of my FIST.

I screamed, Paddy jumped a foot, I hurled one of Paddy's shoes at it, missed and hit Paddy on the foot, Paddy started crying, the spider ran under my bed, and I am just about ready to have a nervous breakdown. And Paddy's not speaking to me.

Lol, can we swap rooms tonight? I'm not even joking.

You're deep-throating someone...

The phone rings...

How can you live without knowing WHO'S ON THE END OF THAT PHONE!

(EDIT: We were watching a film called 'Deviant Passions' but Lol The Giant Prude has forbidden it so now we'll never know who was on the end of that phine.)

* Learn to knit - JO
* Learn to crochet - LOL
* Watch the BB eviction - ALL
* Dye eyelashes - JO
* Celebrate Lol's job offer - ALL
* Blow some zombies' heads clean off - ALL
* Drink some Lemon and Blueberry Schnapps - JO & LOL
* Drink some G&T - ROB
* Learn 'Splat The Cat' off by heart - PADDY

Rob brought his parents' old VCR round so we could watch some home movies. Paddy has got NO IDEA what this machine is for but he seems to have decided it's some kind of communication device. He keeps pushing open the flap (whatever it's called, lol) and talking into it: "Hello, Paddy speaking?"

Managed to capture it on video for you.

I bought a magnetic dry-wipe memo board for the fridge in a bid to become more organised and efficient when it comes to shopping lists and food wasteage.

Something tells me it's not going to pan out that way.

( cut for distressing imagery )

Does anyone think I need to take Paddy to see a child psychologist?

Parlour games at Button Onion Road: Taboo and Pictionary.

Dan's turn to draw, half a bottle of Jagermeister down.

What's so funny about that?

Today I invented The Oatcake Pizza.

foxybingo.co.uk can FRENCH KISS MY ASSHOLE

commonpeople asked us what goes for brekko in this house.

Paddy



Mum-mum



I can't speak for Rob and Lol because they leave for work before we get up, but at weekends Lol tends to eat last night's Chow Mein leftovers straight from the fridge and Rob just has the vegan version of Mum-mum's (black coffee).

What did you have for breakfast today?

	Jo/Mum-mum Jo is unimpressed with Hira's best bits and is giving John McCririck evil eyes on BBBM. She's eaten a Waldorf salad and has put some potato and leek soup in the slow cooker for tomorrer.
	Lol/Yor She's obsessively playing Typing Maniac on Facebook and getting lightly pissed. She's going to eat a packet of salt and vinegar crisps in just a moment (her second packet).
	Rob/Wob Rob sank about 5 beer and a pint glass of vodka and coke in about .45 seconds, tactically chundered and fell into a coma at approximately 22.10pm.

Hello, I am Lol. So I came into work on Monday morning and Sean informs me over messenger that him and Nick have started a game where they think of band names containing food or drink stuff. I think it started with actual foody band names like Peaches, Radish, Fish etc and then escalated from there. Since then Sean, Rob, Jo and I have been frantically racking our brains and have come up with this list. Add to it! Get your brainboxes working!

(  A - Z of Bands and Food  )

Mum-mum was taking Nannor to Big Nannor's house.

Lol got Paddy a pink drink and put the ring-tailed lemur toy in the cot with him too. Lol settles in on couch and hears Paddy talking to himself:

"Do not make this ever again. Don't put the tail in there! Mum-mum will never be happy."

"Where's Lol?"
"She's gone to work to do some typing."
"Yeah mum-mum."
"Yeah."
"Lol's typing hash slash n-n-n-n-n!"
"She might be!"

.......

"I'm putting mum-mum's cup in the... CAN MUM-MUM BE HAPPY?!"