"Do you suppose it's sexy here?" he asked sickeningly.
"You gross silly," Lauren said, tickling Rob with her poo. "It's completely sticky."
Just then, a foul dog leapt out from behind a needle and laughed Lauren in the moustache. "Aaargh!" Lauren screamed.
Things looked fat. But Rob, although he was black, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a dog and, like a pig in filth, beat the dog growly until it ran off. "That will teach you to laugh innocent people."
Then he clasped Lauren close. Lauren was bleeding spitefully. "My darling," Rob said, and pressed his lips to Lauren's anus.
"I love you," Lauren said miserably, and expired in Rob's arms.
Rob never loved again.
Generate your own romantic fanfic here: http://prillalar.com/drabbles/
This morning he was doing the same thing in the bedroom while I was getting dressed. Blowing, shrieking with laughter, following it, blowing again. I took a closer look - that was no ball of fluff. It was a fucking SPIDER the size of my FIST.
I screamed, Paddy jumped a foot, I hurled one of Paddy's shoes at it, missed and hit Paddy on the foot, Paddy started crying, the spider ran under my bed, and I am just about ready to have a nervous breakdown. And Paddy's not speaking to me.
Lol, can we swap rooms tonight? I'm not even joking.
The phone rings...
How can you live without knowing WHO'S ON THE END OF THAT PHONE!
(EDIT: We were watching a film called 'Deviant Passions' but Lol The Giant Prude has forbidden it so now we'll never know who was on the end of that phine.)
* Learn to crochet - LOL
* Watch the BB eviction - ALL
* Dye eyelashes - JO
* Celebrate Lol's job offer - ALL
* Blow some zombies' heads clean off - ALL
* Drink some Lemon and Blueberry Schnapps - JO & LOL
* Drink some G&T - ROB
* Learn 'Splat The Cat' off by heart - PADDY
Managed to capture it on video for you.
Something tells me it's not going to pan out that way.
( cut for distressing imageryCollapse )
Does anyone think I need to take Paddy to see a child psychologist?
- communication error
- fat knacker
- friday night hoo-har
- hard graft
- lol's nasally northern whine
- media whirl
- neighbourhood watch
- noughties child
- nursery rhymes with a twist
- parlour games
- peter andre
- pip's washing the oven
- scrubbing up
- stuff wot happens
- utter carnage
- whaaaaaaaat's new pussycat